The Purple Sensation

So it was indeed a complexion of bad and good day. Bad was because of the broken friendship, like again; good was because I still have my family with me. <3

Yep, even after the raya break and all sorts of ups and downs, the relationship between me and my flowers still got distant so great until I have no hopes at all. It was clear to feel that even though they might not hate me, but definitely do not like me much like they used to. For Janelle, she hates me, I can tell from her body language. Billions of question marks ran through my mind but I still had no idea why. What have I done that can get she so despised with me.

So this was what I have always believed in, never fall too deep for anybody. In the end you will get hurt for the feelings you have attached and poured out. I used to think I have found a bunch of people who can know me and appreciate me, but no. Maybe I just do not deserve it. Maybe I was born to be lonely.

OK FINE, stop being silly christy. Stop being so negative, this is just so not you. But you know, it is thousand time harder to be positive when you have to face the same people everyday but with fake skin on the outside.

I wish to show my sweet smiles and silly laughs to time like I used to, but I am afraid. I am afraid they dislike it, they despise it, or look down on it. I don't get a reason why, but through the reactions they made, I somehow realize my part doesn't matter at all. Especially for Janelle, she doesn't even look into my eyes whenever I talk to her. :') She used to be like a big caring sister to me, but now she looks like I am nothing to her. hehh. :)

God, I know you are giving me all these challenges to make me a stronger and better person. But the more challenges you give, the more I realize I'm such an useless being, I'm just a coward who doesn't even dare to speak out or show my own character. I miss being myself in front of them, like so much.

by Christy Marcus 9:34 AM 0 comments